How to be yourself in a relationship becomes a crucial question when in a new relationship while exploring the other person and their relationship with them, people find a problem that they start to act differently whenever they are with their partners.
Such behavior of acting differently may become a cause for stress for the person experiencing it as it might be rooted in a gap created between their real self and ideal self. The real self is what we actually are and the ideal self is what we want to be. Hence, when a person wants to be themselves, but is unable to, they experience this incongruence which furthermore leads to a feeling that they are not as happy as they had imagined themselves with their partner.
Why don’t we be ourselves in a relationship? A possible reason could be our fear that if we show our vulnerable self then our partner would probably not like us as much as they do and in the worst-case scenario may decide to leave us.
And the best hack to be yourself in a relationship involves working on your insecurity by taking the risk of being vulnerable in front of them. To do this, first, you need to identify your own vulnerabilities and why you are changing your behavior. This you can learn by asking yourself a few questions such as, what do you hide from your partner? What are a few things you feel you thoroughly enjoy, but others might think are silly? What are a few goods and bad experiences that are close to your heart?.
Next, you need to share some of these vulnerabilities with your partner. Before sharing, remember to ask them if they are in a good space to listen to your vulnerabilities and feelings. This is highly effective because of two reasons, first, it breaks a few self-set walls and lets the other person see the real you. Secondly, sharing vulnerabilities conveys trust and if your partner couldn’t understand your vulnerabilities, then it’s still a win for both of you as you both may not be the best for each other.
Challenge: Think about a few of your vulnerabilities and who did you last share these with. What makes them unique that you could share with them? And how did that make you feel?