Personal development Hack 118: How to Stay Calm When Someone Yells at you?

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How to stay calm when someone yells at you is an important question we all considered in a bad experience. And it’s an ugly experience when someone raises their voice against or even yells at you. This could make you feel attacked and you may find yourself expressing an emotional response or an outburst towards the other person or at times you may get away from the negativity in the situation and/or the person. But what if the stakes are too high, for example, leaving the room when the boss is yelling could result in losing the job, or raising your voice against your partner may further escalate the conflict. 

Hence, it’s crucial to learn how to stay calm and respond with emotional intelligence to neutralize the situation or even change the situation to make it comfortable for both parties involved. You can do this with a 3 step-hack:

  1. Take a deep breath before saying anything and also practice maintaining eye contact during the conversation. This will help you better control your emotional response and would communicate that you take a stand for yourself. You can then assess if the situation is worth your time or not and if it’s better to leave or if it’s better to maintain your position and clear things. 
  2. Secondly, consider the outcome of calling out the other person before beginning the conversation about the conflicted issue. Some people don’t even realize that they are raising their voice and that it might be demeaning to the other person. Realising this brings awareness that this does result in experiencing calmness within them. When in such a situation where the other person is raising their voice, you can calmly respond with, “I am sorry, but you need to stop yelling at me, I do not expect this from you and it is not helping you to communicate your points”. 

If they still don’t stop yelling, then you can politely communicate that you need a break from them and will continue this conversation later. 

  1. Thirdly, before they raise their voice again, try to empathize with them as they might have lost their composure as things in their life might not be going as planned. Remember, you don’t have to agree with them, all you have to do is think about what they could be feeling. Try saying, “I can see how you feel that way, I would feel that too if…”. Furthermore, you need to communicate how they are yelling and making you feel. Doing this would make them feel more understood and make you get the upper ground in the communication. 

Remember to not agree with the yeller as it encourages them to repeat the same thing again and again. 

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