How to stop being a people pleaser becomes a crucial question If you find yourself overthinking what others think about others, or agreeing to do things to please others, or feeling guilty in saying no, or you are always the one saying sorry to others. And while making others pleased, or happy sounds like a good thing, not knowing when to stop or being unable to stop yourself from pleasing others can have negative effects such as: feeling stressed, doing things you dislike, feeling emotionally drained, feeling frustrated, and even experiencing weak relationships.
But, what causes someone to be a people-pleaser? A major reason could be the individual’s insecurities, as people try to please others because they worry that if they don’t then others would dislike them. Another reason could be poor self-esteem, this may involve people trying to please others because of their need for approval or acceptance to feel good about themselves, this again stems from their low self-confidence.
So, How to stop being a people pleaser? An effective and simple hack could be setting goals and priorities straight. To do this, ask yourself the following questions:
1. Who do you want to help? Why do you want to help them? If you were in their position, would they help you?
2. What could be a couple of goals that can help you grow in different fields of life? How can you prioritize them over other things?
3. What do you want to be remembered for?
4. What motivates you in life? What are you doing for these motivations?
This is highly effective because clear priorities help in determining whether you have time and energy to please others, as well as, it opens another option for what you actually need to do instead of pleasing others. If you face indecisiveness when someone asks you a favor, then instead of jumping to a yes, take a little time and consider a few things such as how much time will it take, do you really want to do this, and how stressed will you be if you say “yes”.
Bonus tip: Having clear boundaries helps to control the people-pleasing tendency. Hence, if you don’t already have them, then set a few limits on how much you can do for pleasing others and what you cannot do, no matter what. For example, not taking work calls after midnight, no matter how important people say it is.
Challenge: Identify the person you couldn’t stop pleasing even though you don’t want to and try saying “no” to them the next time without making any excuse.